Encircled in the fast whorl of time I tried to observe my life to my surprise I found that I had divided my life into two main parts
1) the social me
2) the religious me
The social me was entangled in material success targeted lavish life and occasionally paying attention to Allah for my material success and cherished all personal achievements as my achievements which I only had the right to enjoy. I had planned to collect all I could and yes my desire was to go for the best! I could not compromise on any thing less than the best! I was proud to be my self and I loved my self for what I was. I knew this world was ruthless and I had to snatch my share I had to do it before some one else took my share! I was unsatisfied with the part of world I lived in and I wanted to fly away to some developed first world country as soon as possible to snatch my share and live my life the way I wanted.
And then there was The religious me ! I prayed for my self and for my family as well and all those close to me I had the dream to perform the pilgrimage some time before I die, I did fast in Ramadan and my favorite part of fasting was the iftar! I always felt bad for the poor and old and tried giving the change in my pocket to them occasionally at the bus stops and yes I believed in Allah and his Prophet (PBUH)
Was I justified? Was I honest? Something was missing where was my peace despite the fact I tried balancing both the positions I was loosing something, the emptiness surrounding me was getting inside me so I tried to observe again !
Using this unique power of observing our selves we can explore perhaps the most difficult situations. so I observed the two aspects of my personality once again The social me who worked for me, gathered every possible asset, spent for personal comfort and luxury was almost un aware of the fact or perhaps denied the fact that all I was collecting had to be left in this world at the end and I even forgot that the end might be today tomorrow or day after tomorrow ! I sighed with satisfaction at least I was praying for here after but once I started examining my prayers I noticed I prayed so I could set up a good example in front of people .Many appreciated the fact that I prayed and occasionally gave my example to people but my prayers did not bring any satisfaction in my life I still lied because I didn’t want to afford any material losses my prayers did not keep me away from sins I wondered what was wrong ?
What did I pray? I prayed what the prophet had taught me, Yes! he had promised that who so ever prays 5 times a day his prayers would keep him away from sins then why didn’t it work on me ? Pondering over the facts I heard Azan “ALLAH HO AKBAR”
Yes I found- The fact why nothing worked for me why I couldn’t balance my social and religious life ! why I had every thing but I wasn’t contended because I didn’t relate to the fact that its Allah ho akbar ! I never tried to trust him and be honest I kept trying to straighten up things by my self and while straightening I screwed them up I lied I showed of I pretended to be what I was not because I had become greedy I didn’t want to share what I had but I missed the fact that all I had wasn’t mine it was given to me by almighty to share between those whom he had blessed some thing else. But they didn’t share any thing with me as well what was this ? We all were greedy and we did not realize it or we had forgotten what sharing was ? We monitored success, satisfaction and survival in one term that was the monetary term our lives revolved around this term we couldn’t afford its loss we worshiped it I worshiped it !then where was Allah in my life ? I thought of Allah because I had the concept of Allah narrated to me by my parents was a I a Muslim by choice or by chance ? I didn’t want to answer the question It was a bitter one so I decided to work on the fact that I accepted the fact Allah ho akbar but didn’t relate to it now I decided to improve my life adding this factor to my life
I enlisted the things I had to adopt in order to relate to this factor to my surprise I just found one solid feeling the feeling of belief and that was it! No more requirements wow! Now I searched what I had to give up ? I had to give up worrying about things because it was Allah s responsibility to straighten up my life as I had the belief that he would do the best for me.I had to give up lying since I believed it was Allah’s responsibility to protect me and help me after I speak the truth.I had to give up showing off because I believed it was Allah who was going to bless me, he already knew everything accurately so my public image hardly mattered. I had to give up jealousy because I believed it was Allah’s will to give us every thing and if I asked him he would definitely give me whatever is the best for me. My life became simple! I loved every thing everyone ! Because I loved Allah he had blessed with so many things ! I wasn’t even aware of them ! I loved him for all his blessings I wanted to please him so I started another search
How can I please him ?
Prayers ! did he need them ? I guess not I was the one who needed to pray because I wanted to thank him ! what was he pleased with ? I searched I observed what was the dearest to him yes I found it once again it was mankind! His creations who disobeyed him yet he loved them and blessed them. So I decided to love the creations for the sake of the creator(Allah).
I had no fears since every thing I did was for Allah and he was the responsible one and it did bring me immense pleasure and satisfaction since every time some one smiled and said thank you I knew Allah had accepted my service.
He lived in the hearts of his beings and I had found him there ! I was free, My life was straight I had found the path I lost for the sake of worldly desires and believe it or not it changed my life..
Trust Allah he will change yours as well and remember
Verily, God does not change men’s condition unless they change their inner selves- (Quran-13:11)
Allah ho Akbar !